Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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