i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
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