I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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