I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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