Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
