dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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