Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
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I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
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He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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