I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
