I must be too annoying 4 u.
Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
