I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
