a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
