Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
the day after is always just damage control
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
