R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
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A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
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My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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