Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
