Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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