Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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