I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
two words...techno handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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