whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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