Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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