i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize