I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
