Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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