so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
