Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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