You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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