Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
