Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
