it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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