TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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