In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Pooping to opera.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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