We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
