i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
