We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
