Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
