I met the friendliest cop last night
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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