I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
