I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
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I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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