I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
