he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
where are my eyebrows?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
