I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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