someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
