Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
