What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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