Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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