I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
