Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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