Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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