It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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