we have officially lost it.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
