if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
barbara walters just said penis...
my sisters under your porch take her home
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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