I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
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