Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
