I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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