I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Two words: blizzard sex
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Randomize
