I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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