She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Drunk is not a location!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
