I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
