Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He passed out mid-signature
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
