I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
