he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Found your dick twin last night
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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