my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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