"it" just moved
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
