My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
