Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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