you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
