I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She bit a glass in half.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
