I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
