my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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