Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
