no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
my poor anus
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
