They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
