after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
