We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
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