She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
