I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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