he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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