girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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