Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
