I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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