I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
