im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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