I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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